Sometimes Your Mind Makes Itself Have Closure

19 Jun

This blog isn’t a diary, so i’m not going to turn it into one. But I can beat around the bush and talk about what’s on my mind in a very non-chalant way. Today i’d like to actually talk about my mind (Yeah, get ready for some crazy things people). I talked about taking the wheel into your own hands and turning to yourself for issues on my last post and that’s really hitting home right now. I’d like to think that i’m a strong person with a really strong inner self (cause’ we sure as hell know my outer self isn’t tough as nails) and usually when I have problems, I look to myself to solve them. I’ve got any issue in my life right now that i’m really struggling with and i’m starting to question whether or not i’m gonna be able to find a solution myself. That’s kind of a big deal for me especially since I don’t open up to people very often. I’ve gotten a lot of people opinions on the situation and it’s all pretty much the same solution. But while struggling through all of this, I began thinking about how people work through problems and how the mind subconsciously gives itself closure. Now I’ve researched and googled through my problems (yes, when in doubt, google it out. I have no shame) and I pretty much gathered a few of the same basics thing. These are generally the steps I follow when trying to find self-closure:

  1. Define what the problems is and find what is giving you a problem with finding closure. When I have a problem with a friendship, a relationship or even a dilema, I sit down and figure out what is giving me the angsty feelings and the feelings or loose ends. When you have an issue, you have to define the problem. You can’t find a solution until you find the problem! Whether you have to re-read conversations, talk to the person you have an issue with directly or simply pick your brain until you find the problem, do it.
  2. Once you have defined the problem, think of ways you are going to fix it. If this is an issue with closure, ask yourself how you are going to approach the situation and face it head on. When you’re dealing with closure issues, there is something internally that stands between you and the other end of the bridge. Stand at the begining of the bridge and look at it; how are you going to cross to the other side and once you do, what are you going to do?
  3. Find the courage to apologize. When I have an issue with a person, place or thing, the first thing I do is ask myself if If there’s anything I can apologize for. Sometimes it’s extremely hard to apologize but you can look at an apology in two ways. If you apologize (and do it first) you can feel like the bigger, more mature person…Who doesn’t like feeling like the big kid? Second, apologizing can clear your conscience and help you cleanse all of your ill feelings. Some people have stronger consciences than others, so it might not cleanse everyones soul.
  4. Let go of the situation. Every person handles situations in different ways and some people get rid of their situations differently. If you’re the angry type of person, gather everything that has any ties to the person/situation that got you in this mess in the first place and burn it. If you don’t have a fire or anything to burn said possessions in, find a large garbage can and throw all of said possessions in the can passionately. I stress the passionately part because otherwise you’re just throwing shit in a garbage can. If you’re going to do this, try to do it the day that the garbage truck comes because then there’s no way to go back and get all the stuff. If you’re the sad emotional type, hold a theoretical funeral. Say a few words, prepare a eulogy if that’s what floats the boat and get rid of your stuff ceremoneously. If you honest give give two craps a bout how you get rid of said possessions, just throw it away. It’s no big deal, just get rid of it somehow.
  5. Forgive and forget. Alright, so you’ve done your apologies and gotten rid of everything that reminds you of the situation, now it’s time to start forgiving all of the wrong-doings and forgeting about it. Now when I say forgetting, it doesn’t mean erase it out of your mind forever (unless you’re me and that’s just what helps you the most) because that doesn’t help you solve all of your problems. Remember the bad times and to never go back and remember the feeling you got after you said goodbye to the bad times. Forgive, forget and keep on keeping on.
  6. Write it out and vent. Now by owning a blog, I have a canvas at my fingertips. What I find works the best in venting situations is places like facebook or twitter or even *gasp* a blog. Now I DO NOT mean to go on a rant about your problems and how you just moved mountains, but I do mean this; post something only you would understand for the world to see. The self gets closure in the most public of places. Post a song or a quote on your facebook, retweet something cheesy and sentimental on twitter and possibly write a post about conquering problems. No one likes a social therapy session, but it’s good to get things out for the world to see. If it’s close to you and other people see it, it get’s you closure in a really weird way that I honestly can’t explain.
  7. Start a new chapter. You’ve stood at the beggining of the bridge, you walked over it and get to the other side. You didn’t go through all that trouble and passionately throw away garbage for nothing, you deserve a new chapter. The hardest part of getting through a situation is knowing what to do at the end. I often feel like a little kid learning how to ride a bike; I knocked off the training wheels, it’s just getting used to not having something I was used to for so long. This is your chance at a new begining, so go out and live! Take baby steps and learn to live with whatever or whoever you ceremoneously got rid of and learn to live for YOU!

I got a lot of advice from a lot of people the past few days and the best I got was from my childhood and still to this day, my best friend. She gave me incredible advice and i’d like to share it with you:

Remember, the most important person in your life is you”

I didn’t realize how much I wasn’t putting myself first through this whole situation and once I started to try to put myself first and work through my steps of closure, I felt better. Of course writing your problems out always help, but always put yourself first, no matter how hard it is. When you’re in the situation where you aren’t getting closure or having a dilema, it’s hard to see that you aren’t putting yourself. Good thinking sessions and even better friends are what helps you see these things!  I’m going to leave you with a quote that is posted on a motivation board on my wall and I wake up to it every single morning:

I am in charge of how I feel and today I am choosing happiness”

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