I Shaved Both My Legs Today

7 Jul

I usually feel some sort of remorse for people who actually read this shitty blog (damnit. I’m sorry for swearing…shit. I did it again. Fml) because I always write a title that makes you believe you’re going to be reading some sort of prelude to a porn flick and then I actually end up writing about bellybutton hair. My sincere apologies!

Actually, I just feel like dumping my brain. Not like that angsty teen relationship dumping, but releasing all of my thoughts through my fingers and giving the world wide web a heap of poop to read. So in the general fashion of this heap of poop blog, I will give you a list accompanied by a few graphics of things I need to dump out of my brain.

Miley Cyrus

Can we just take a moment to acknowledge the girl crush I have on Miley Cyrus. Now this new song speaks to my soul although I cannot attest to all the lyrics being “my lifestyle”. All you haters keep on doing what you’re doing, because every time you search for Miley or watch one of her fantastic twerking videos, you’re just giving her more views! But let’s all just take a moment to realize that I really do enjoy Ms. Cyrus.

Twerking

For those of you who don’t know the pleasures of twerking and all that it entails, I have inserted a very lovely video twerked by my favorite twerk team to the song “Love Sosa” by Chief Keef.

*DISCLAIMER: DO NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO IF YOU HAVE A FEAR OF BIG BUTTS OR ARE A MALE WITH HEART PROBLEMS*

Now that you have a little insight of what twerking is, form your own opinion of it. Miley Cyrus has made an empire for herself among twerkers everywhere. Twerking has swept the nation from every street corner to every white girls bedroom across the nation. Now please feast your eyes on my all-time favorite twerking video. These girls truly are talented.

Enough said. Just enough said.

Shaving legs is actually really hard

Does anyone actually realize how hard it is to shave your legs? Well girls, of course you do (unless you don’t because you don’t shave your legs which in that case, rock on) but do guys actually understand the agony I go through just to shave my legs? I’m thankful that I got real short legs because I don’t know how girls with those long gams do it. Don’t even get me started on trying to shave your shin.  Remember that guy who walked to wire over the Grand canyon? Yeah, that’s my razor every time it’s trying to shave my shin. If it falls off the beaten path it’s a bloody mess. And does anyone ever tell you how you’re supposed to shave the back of your leg? No, of course they didn’t because the world is just an abnormally cruel place and whoever created me decided that putting hair on the back of your upper leg was a good idea. Did I mention it doesn’t grow in the same direction as regular hair? Of course not. Of freaking course not. I always have to make sure I shave my legs because god forbid if I don’t I’m not DTC (down to cuddle). Stupid legs.

Amish Skirts

Must I just say I have a slight obsession with skirts of the amish nature. Now to the rest of the general public, you might call these skirts “maxi skirts”. No. They’re amish skirts and they protect my modesty. Not to mention they cover up my legs when I decide not to shave them. Pure genius. I don’t really have much to say about said skirts, I just really wanted to throw out how much I loved them.

Alright. I don’t have much more to say and I don’t know how to not end this in an awkward fashion. So I will leave you with a small dose of wisdom that I have created for you. Enjoy.

“Man with one chopstick go hungry. Man who breaks chopstick eats splinters.”

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