Archive | December, 2013

I’m Coming Out (It’s Not What You Think, I Promise)

29 Dec

Nope, I’m not gay. But it is about time that I came out.  I’d like to think of my coming out as more of a declaration of independence, an emancipation proclamation to free who I really am as a person. Some people believe in the whole “New Year, New You” thing, but why can’t we have a “New You” every single day of the week? Why wait around for a single day, or a moment rather, to change who you are? Well, this is my moment.

I’ve gotten a lot of flack from people lately about who I am as a person. (I’m more than likely going to get a lot more of that flack being that I’m discussing MY problems on MY personal blog. I am such a terrible person ha. ha. ha.) If you’re going to have a problem with me after reading this or already have a problem with my before reading this, I suggest that you stop reading and get me out of your life. I get that I’m an extremely interesting person, but I can promise that I’m not interesting enough to pick a fight with. You, my friends, will lose. That being said, I’d like to address some things and come out to all of you in the best way that I know how.

I’m a Mean Person

There, I said it. I’m a mean person. Has that satisfied anyone? It doesn’t feel very satisfying to me. Those four words don’t build me up, nor break me down as a person. So telling me that I’m a mean person does not affect me, I know I’m a mean person. I judge people, I use demeaning and degrading words, I talk about people behind their back and yes, I even blog about people and my problems for the world to see. Is that satisfying to people? Before going any further, let’s look at todays definition of mean. Hell, I can’t even figure out a true definition of the word mean. If you can’t back up a word with a definition, don’t use it. I don’t really know what the word pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis means, therefore I don’t use it my vocabulary, nor do I use it towards people. yes, our friend Webster’s Dictionary has a definition for the word “Mean”, but there’s also a definition for the word “The”, so I’d like to not base definitions solely on the dictionary. What I’m trying to get across is that don’t go calling someone a name that you can’t back up with a universal definition.

I have recently been told that my blog is mean, as well as my Facebook, twitter and social media posts. We’ve already covered that I am mean, so this is no news to me. My Facebook is able to be viewed by strictly friends, but I do have a lot of “friends” on my page. I am open with what I post, try to be careful of what I post and be conscientious of who is viewing what I post. If I do post something strong on Facebook, it’s for a reason. It has a purpose. I know who is viewing it. Example, If I am writing publicly to have people stop gossiping about me, then I mean every word that I say. I am very aware that it could very well piss people off. Well cool, that’s good for them. I gossip, I admit that, too. I’m hypocritical. What I’d like to challenge everyone to do is to take a step back and ask themselves something very simple: Can I admit my flaws? If you can’t point out your own flaws and your own faults, then I’d like to say that you have no business pointing out anyone else’s. Pointing fingers is frowned upon in the first place, but if you’re gonna do it, you better be able to back it up and be able to admit your own problems yourself. My twitter is my twitter, I’m not perfect. I say a lot of things on there and try to keep the “subtweeting” about my peers to a minimum. Can’t handle my Facebook or twitter? Block me, delete me. I will NOT be offended! I think I have about 76 people on my Facebook block list? Now a large majority of you are going to roll your eyes and go “Oh my gosh, blocking people doesn’t solve all of your problems, how immature”. Hmmm. Blocking people might not get people out of my life and solve my problems, but it sure does get a point across. As for my blog, I have nothing to apologize for. Clicking every link that is posted, searching for it on Google and reading my posts is up to YOU. You’re reading this right now because you made a conscious effort to click, scroll, etc. If you’re going to get angry at my posts, my language, and my domain in general, then don’t click. Simple as that! My blog is for my personal use and I can say that I have NEVER, nor will I ever include peoples names and personal information. If you feel something is about you or you feel affected by something, I can’t offer you any advice. My posts are a reflection of my life and peoples actions. If you’ve influenced it, then swallow your pride and realize it. If you feel like something is about you, chances are it could be. If the shoe fits, then lace that bitch up and wear it. Enough said. My blog. My space. My words. My thoughts. I can’t please everyone and I’m not going to try.

So here it is: I deeply and sincerely apologize to anyone I have hurt, fucked over, lied to, cheated, degraded and demeaned. I am sorry, I will never be able to take any of that back, but I can move forward and be a better person. That being said, I’d like to say I will NEVER apologize for being a strong, independent person who is not afraid to voice their opinion. I will never EVER apologize for speaking my mind and saying the things that other people are afraid to say. I will not sit in the shadows and let people treat me with disrespect, either. If standing up for myself and being an individual person makes me “mean”, then I never want to be “nice”. I’ve come out and said it and admitted who I am and what I stand for and WOW does it feel good!

So I’m gonna finish up here in the same way that I always do. If you’ve read this entire post, I thank you. I want to thank everyone who supports me and provides me with positive information and affirmation. So, thank you all! So here it is, words of wisdom straight from my brain to the page.

“I try to be myself as much as possible. Which just means that I’m awkward and bitchy as much as possible.”


It’s Better Being Bitter

1 Dec

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately (thinking, I know right?) and a lot of it has been in a harshly realistic fashion. You see, I prefer to look at myself as harshly realistic. Which sounds better: Harshly realistic or pessimistic? Frankly, they both sound terrible but let’s have things go my way and say that harshly realistic sounds absolutely wonderful. But there’s a fine line between harshly realistic and bitter. I’d like to say I’m a little bit of both. If you sit down at the end of the day and think about all of the things you have to be thankful for, I’m sure the list goes on for miles. Now, sit down at the end of the day and think about the things in your life that absolutely suck (I am going to use “suck” as an adjective…some people prefer “inhale vigorously” and I say bite me). When I do this, I like to get on my knees and bow my head while I silently curse at every dipshit who made my day suck, as well as everyone from birth to present day who has tried to rain on my ever-so-marching parade. Of course by this point, I realize that all of you optimistic sally’s out there have already put me on your prayer list and thought of how terrible I am to hold grudges and say bad words about people. Let’s just establish this you sally’s: Life sucks. Wow, there I am on a roll about the word sucks today.

To all of you who have nothing better to with your life then read this blog, if you can count the number of times the word “sucks” is mentioned, I’ll give you some sort of cliché present. Ready set go.

In pre-school, a girl in my class told me she was going to lock me in my car-seat (safety first, kids) in the back of their car and her dad was going to shoot me with her shotgun. In fourth grade, kids in my class called me a retard because I had to use the elevator instead of the stairs. When I was a freshman, I let a male control my every move and change who I was. Last year, I was tormented by majority of the student body via every social media website possible and told to go die because I stood up for myself when I found something to be unethical. Part of me asks myself why I would ever want to bring up any of those moments. But memories are crazy things, huh? We remember the things we love, forget the things that aren’t important and can’t seem to let go of the things that hurt us the most. I sit down at the end of the day and remember all of the things that I love, and then I forget all the things that aren’t important and take a long, hard look at the memories that I can’t let go. Confused? It’s quite simple, really. Take the negative things and turn them into motivation.

Motivation comes in all different sorts for all different sorts of people. I think I touched a little bit on motivation in my last post, but it comes down to how you’re motivated as a person. I’m extremely intrinsically motivated and that’s something that sure helps in my life. Using negative experiences drives me to become a better person. I guess you could say it’s almost a little egotistical in the sense that I want to be the best person that I can be and show others that they didn’t hold me back whatsoever. I would think that everyone feels a little bit of that at some point in there life, right? I would rather remember every single cruel word, hard slap and degrading thing that has been done to me instead of forgetting it all. Some would say that is extremely masochistic, but I would like to point out that I lead a pretty bland love life and that masochism has never, nor will it ever become a part of my life. Unless Christian Grey and the red room of pain is involved, then I’d gladly be anything. You can also argue that I’m extremely bitter and holding on to grudges. False, if I was holding onto grudges, I would have no friends and I would have killed all of humanity in the slowest way known to man (or lack of man, due to the fact that I would have killed them all). There is such a big difference between being bitter and embracing what you’ve been through. I’ve forgiven most of the people I’ve held grudges against, but that does not mean I will never forget what transpired in the past.

“Yes, the past hurts. But the way I see it, you either run from it, or learn from it”

Learning and holding on to the past does not mean that I am bitter. Remembering the people who have done me wrong is not bitter. Life sucks, but I’m not bitter about it. I mean yes, I have my days when I just hate people in their entirety, but I am not bitter about life. I am harshly realistic. Nothing lasts forever, Santa Claus isn’t real and neither are Kim Kardashians boobs. Lemons are bitter, but you never see people bitching about life giving them lemons? You see people pull up their big girl/boy pants and make some lemonade.  Those are the optimistic people, claps for you optimistic people. So to get back into the swing of things, I’m gonna leave you with a quote that I wrote in the bathroom.

This image shows a whole and a cut lemon.

These are my lemons, they were grown in a BS free environment and I grew them myself with no help from any man. Thank Obama.

“When life hands you lemons, smile kindly and say ‘no, thank you’, because you are a sassy, independent woman who don’t need life to give you no lemons. You are a woman who can get her own damn lemons”

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