I’m Coming Out (It’s Not What You Think, I Promise)

29 Dec

Nope, I’m not gay. But it is about time that I came out.  I’d like to think of my coming out as more of a declaration of independence, an emancipation proclamation to free who I really am as a person. Some people believe in the whole “New Year, New You” thing, but why can’t we have a “New You” every single day of the week? Why wait around for a single day, or a moment rather, to change who you are? Well, this is my moment.

I’ve gotten a lot of flack from people lately about who I am as a person. (I’m more than likely going to get a lot more of that flack being that I’m discussing MY problems on MY personal blog. I am such a terrible person ha. ha. ha.) If you’re going to have a problem with me after reading this or already have a problem with my before reading this, I suggest that you stop reading and get me out of your life. I get that I’m an extremely interesting person, but I can promise that I’m not interesting enough to pick a fight with. You, my friends, will lose. That being said, I’d like to address some things and come out to all of you in the best way that I know how.

I’m a Mean Person

There, I said it. I’m a mean person. Has that satisfied anyone? It doesn’t feel very satisfying to me. Those four words don’t build me up, nor break me down as a person. So telling me that I’m a mean person does not affect me, I know I’m a mean person. I judge people, I use demeaning and degrading words, I talk about people behind their back and yes, I even blog about people and my problems for the world to see. Is that satisfying to people? Before going any further, let’s look at todays definition of mean. Hell, I can’t even figure out a true definition of the word mean. If you can’t back up a word with a definition, don’t use it. I don’t really know what the word pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis means, therefore I don’t use it my vocabulary, nor do I use it towards people. yes, our friend Webster’s Dictionary has a definition for the word “Mean”, but there’s also a definition for the word “The”, so I’d like to not base definitions solely on the dictionary. What I’m trying to get across is that don’t go calling someone a name that you can’t back up with a universal definition.

I have recently been told that my blog is mean, as well as my Facebook, twitter and social media posts. We’ve already covered that I am mean, so this is no news to me. My Facebook is able to be viewed by strictly friends, but I do have a lot of “friends” on my page. I am open with what I post, try to be careful of what I post and be conscientious of who is viewing what I post. If I do post something strong on Facebook, it’s for a reason. It has a purpose. I know who is viewing it. Example, If I am writing publicly to have people stop gossiping about me, then I mean every word that I say. I am very aware that it could very well piss people off. Well cool, that’s good for them. I gossip, I admit that, too. I’m hypocritical. What I’d like to challenge everyone to do is to take a step back and ask themselves something very simple: Can I admit my flaws? If you can’t point out your own flaws and your own faults, then I’d like to say that you have no business pointing out anyone else’s. Pointing fingers is frowned upon in the first place, but if you’re gonna do it, you better be able to back it up and be able to admit your own problems yourself. My twitter is my twitter, I’m not perfect. I say a lot of things on there and try to keep the “subtweeting” about my peers to a minimum. Can’t handle my Facebook or twitter? Block me, delete me. I will NOT be offended! I think I have about 76 people on my Facebook block list? Now a large majority of you are going to roll your eyes and go “Oh my gosh, blocking people doesn’t solve all of your problems, how immature”. Hmmm. Blocking people might not get people out of my life and solve my problems, but it sure does get a point across. As for my blog, I have nothing to apologize for. Clicking every link that is posted, searching for it on Google and reading my posts is up to YOU. You’re reading this right now because you made a conscious effort to click, scroll, etc. If you’re going to get angry at my posts, my language, and my domain in general, then don’t click. Simple as that! My blog is for my personal use and I can say that I have NEVER, nor will I ever include peoples names and personal information. If you feel something is about you or you feel affected by something, I can’t offer you any advice. My posts are a reflection of my life and peoples actions. If you’ve influenced it, then swallow your pride and realize it. If you feel like something is about you, chances are it could be. If the shoe fits, then lace that bitch up and wear it. Enough said. My blog. My space. My words. My thoughts. I can’t please everyone and I’m not going to try.

So here it is: I deeply and sincerely apologize to anyone I have hurt, fucked over, lied to, cheated, degraded and demeaned. I am sorry, I will never be able to take any of that back, but I can move forward and be a better person. That being said, I’d like to say I will NEVER apologize for being a strong, independent person who is not afraid to voice their opinion. I will never EVER apologize for speaking my mind and saying the things that other people are afraid to say. I will not sit in the shadows and let people treat me with disrespect, either. If standing up for myself and being an individual person makes me “mean”, then I never want to be “nice”. I’ve come out and said it and admitted who I am and what I stand for and WOW does it feel good!

So I’m gonna finish up here in the same way that I always do. If you’ve read this entire post, I thank you. I want to thank everyone who supports me and provides me with positive information and affirmation. So, thank you all! So here it is, words of wisdom straight from my brain to the page.

“I try to be myself as much as possible. Which just means that I’m awkward and bitchy as much as possible.”

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