Speak Loudly and Carry a Big Sword and Shield

1 Jan

Happy New Years, ya filthy animals! I hope that everyone had a wonderful new years and got to kiss someone. Just kidding, I hope all of you were as miserable as I was and figured it was time to give up on being happy at 2:30AM. I’m not really big on doing those whole “New Years resolution” things because I know that I am terrible at following through on plans and I would rather eat Cheetos then lose weight. But, I do have a few “New Years Contemplations” that I believe are worth sharing…

  • Swear Less
  • Lose Weight Maintain weight
  • Fall in Love Get another cat
  • Use Less Sarcasm Use less sarcasm in public places
  • Find Jesus Find Hispanic man named Jesus
  • Be Happy

I realized after I wrote my “New Years Contemplations” that some of them needed to be revised. Needless to say, I think my contemplations are off to a really good start. I’m more then content with who I am, I just want to be a better version of myself in 2014. Looking forward, 2014 is going to be one hell of a life-changing year. Today marks exactly 150 days until I walk across the stage and get a piece of paper I’ve been working 13 years for. I’ll have moved out of the house by the time summer is here and i’ll be starting college in the fall. Yeah, my 2014 is going to be full of tea and crumpets and debt. One thing I forgot to do in 2013, though, I will not forget to do in 2014. I forgot to be happy. This past year was a really bumpy one; I’m sad to say that it’s a year that I questioned if I was going to make it through at times. But I figured out that it’s all about choices and if I want to be happy, I need to make the choice to be happy.

On September 2nd, 1901, Theodore Roosevelt used the phrase “Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far” at our very own Minnesota State Fair. The Big Stick ideology is one that has been used for a long, long time and has proven successful. If you have a hard time reading between the lines and can’t figure out what the quote means (or if you’re too damn lazy to google it), It simply means this: Speak with caution and use non-aggression to solve problems, but threaten violence if necessary. Well, I’d like to say that from now on, I’m going to modify that phrase to fit my life from now on. I have spoken with caution and tried non-aggressive tactics for the longest time, but no one listens to me. I feel like after I speak loudly, something much more powerful than a big stick is going to be necessary, so I’m going to start carrying a sword. And for sally’s sakes, I’m going to carry a shield, too, because I work to hard on making my face stay attractive then to let it get messed up. So, if you feel like messing up my happiness this year, this will more then likely be the scenario you will be in:

Dumb person: Bella you’re dumb.

Bella: You’re dumb, too. (Bella proceeds to find the nearest inanimate objects, which so happens to be a toaster and cucumber, and begins beating the dumb person with the toaster, all whilst screaming out vulgar obscenities because well, Bella is a fearless lady who, like the honey badger, don’t give a fuck. After the dumb person has taken their beating via kitchen appliance like a champ, Bella screams more obscenities.)

Dumb Person: (Dumb person doesn’t saying anything because they are occupied by the cucumber lodged up their rectum.)

So, if anyone has any questions about my mantra this year, feel free to ask questions, I’ll be more then happy to clear them up. I’ve just figured out that sitting in the shadows and not speaking up does not get you anywhere. Push-overs get pushed-over. I am not, nor will I ever be a push-over. So now that the aggressive, third-person version of myself, it’s time to start getting a little bit more real. So, if you’re the type of person who can’t handle raw-emotions and real feelings, thanks for reading this far! If you have had some troubles in your life lately and feel like anything I could say could help you, then keep on reading mi amigo.

Aside from using more aggressive tactics, I’m gonna start 2014 finding happiness in myself and myself only. I’ve learned the hard way that material items and people don’t make you happy, your own personal choices and decisions are what really make you happy. So many times I hear about people trying to find that “special someone” who lights up their freaking world or a new pair of sparkly Ugg boots that almost makes them drop their Starbucks. Well, I’m here to burst your bubble and say that none of that will make you truly happy. Now when I mean happy, I mean a different type of happy then that fake ass emoji on the iphone that looks like it’s been snorting lines. I mean the type of happy that gets you out of bed every single morning simply because you’re happy to start the day. This type of happy is the type of happy that will have you singing a song in silence and blowing kisses at brick walls, because god forbid brick walls deserve to be loved, too. This isn’t the type of happy that waits around for a goodnight text, this is the type of happy that shuts the phone off and blows out the candle in your heart and whispers “Go to sleep damnit”. Why do you want this type of happy? Because this type of happiness is something that only you can find; no one can find it for you. No one can judge your type of happy because no ones happiness is the same. If they do judge you, you don’t care because you’re to busy painting rainbows with your eyes and listening to bliss with your heart. Some of you might argue that you’ve found this type of happy with a significant other  or a pair of boots, but I am going to disagree with you. You know you’re reading this and there is something nagging at the back of your brain and you know damn well what I’m talking about. Find yourself and be happy, you owe it to yourself.

One of the hardest lessons I learned in 2013 was that I am not a superhero, I am a person. I can’t fix people and I can’t fix there problems. That lesson was a really hard one to learn. Unfortunately for me, I thought that I could befriend someone and fix their problems, and in turn I thought I was going to be happy. I fell really hard for this person and by doing that, I forever gave myself the mentality that I could fix someone. You know the saying “You can’t fix what’s not broken”? Well, you also can’t fix what is broken, you just have to live with it and accept it for who it is, all while learning how to take it or leave it in the process. He left to go try to fix himself for a few months and in that process, I learned that I am not superman and I can’t keep holding out for something that isn’t going to change. I’ve repeated the process a few times since then and honestly, it doesn’t get any better each time. But boy, this last one was special I tell you. He can’t be fixed, he won’t be fixed and all I can do is offer my shoulder to cry on and walk away. It’s a really hard lesson to learn and walking away from this one is going to be hard but I’m gonna do it because why? I deserve to be happy. I am not a superhero, I can’t fix people or there problems. All I can do is fix me, fix my problems and hope to hell that I’ll walk away with that type of happy.

Now that I’ve gotten the less-aggressive side, I’m here to leave you with the only words of wisdom I know how. Never let anyone take your happiness and stop relying on material things or people to provide you with that happiness. Don’t try to fix people, you’re not a superhero. Lastly? Find that type of happy.  Generally I leave you with a homemade quote or mantra but for the first time, I’m not going to. It’s a new year, make up your own mantra and stick with it. Me? I’m going to speak loudly and carry a big sword and shield.


One Response to “Speak Loudly and Carry a Big Sword and Shield”

  1. outawkwarded January 2, 2014 at 1:34 am #

    I’ve choosen “Speak persuasively and carry a big fish.” Seriously. People might think your Jesus.

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Maisy's Mom

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