Time is Money, So I Went and Got a Savings Bond

26 Jun

Totally ignoring the fact that I’ve been on a hiatus for way too long, I’m gonna hop back on the interwebs and crawl out of a hole. Moral of the story, mental illness is real. Keep that shit in check or else you’ll fall off the face of the interwebs. BUT,  a LOT has happened since I’ve last publicly racked my brain. Let’s see:

  • Graduation, check.
  • More jobs to add to resume, check.
  • More jobs to keep off of a resume, check.
  • Car, check.
  • Car Accident, check.
  • Impending college transition, ………..

Needless to say, things have changed drastically in the past few months. For some reason, I’m still not 18 yet so this whole “independence” thing hasn’t set in completely. AKA I’m still forced to buy cigarettes and scratch-off’s from the underage-teen-black-market. Yes, that’s a thing. I’ve been waiting for this whole “independence” thing for a long time and as it’s getting closer and closer, it’s become apparent that it’s a whole bunch of bullshit. One day, you are 17 years old and you are still wearing a pull-up and having your parents sign consent forms and the next morning, BAM. You’re teeming with adult-angst (because we can’t call it teen angst, now can we?) and you start paying bills and paying for cigarettes with the money you pulled out of the couch you got for free off of craigslist and then before you know it BAM you’re 40 years old and your uterus is trailing behind you in a small radio-flyer wagon and the bags under your eyes sag lower than your nipples. All I can say is, I will NEVER let ANYTHING hang lower than my nipples.

If I’ve envisioned anything in the time that I’ve attempted to “grow up”, it’s not anything happy. Sure, I’ve got my whole life set up in front of me. A good college education for the next four years, competing on the top forensics program in the nation and making a name for myself that sticks out from the rest. Yes, I plan on accomplishing all of my dreams and I refuse to let anything get in my way of accomplishing those dreams. And I am in no way saying that I didn’t try to work to the top, but when I look back at it all, I wonder if I tried accomplishing everything for myself or for everyone else? I have tried for so long to work for everyone else, make this coach and this teacher proud, be traditional, keep my grades up and my attitude even higher. I look back at it all and wonder if I hadn’t been so conservative, if I hadn’t stayed up cramming for pointless tests, if I hadn’t shot for the stars, if I would still be happy with that result? As I’m beginning to transition into “real life” (which I still am convinced is a whole bunch of  bullshit that the bush administration is somehow involved with), I’m beginning to wonder if I’m happy with the path I’m taking. I feel like if I don’t make some sort of change and claim of independence, I’m going to be living the rest of my life for someone else and never for myself. When I look at it, the biggest person (people) I think I’m living for is not for one specific individual, but this entire society.

Hold up. Now as you’re reading this, you’re going “oh my Clinton, this young hooligan has no common sense and she is trying to pull the young-feminist-liberal-I-hate-society card. Quite the opposite, actually. Society is a wonderful circle of bullshit. (On my quest for independence, I’ve learned that the word “bullshit” makes me feel sassy and senile. I enjoy this feeling.) It’s beautiful, because society has shaped a lot of beautiful people. Elizabeth Taylor. Megan Fox. Ed Gein. But it’s also shaped a lot of not so beautiful people, and those not so beautiful people make me question a lot of my decisions. (In my defense, nudity is ALWAYS a good decision. God would have wanted it that way) Because of society, I am not allowed to get tattoos, piercings, a nice set of fake knockers, six husbands nor a wife without being scrutinized. Think about it, though. Anytime you make a decision, do you think about what YOU want or do you think about what others are going to think? The question should have answered itself. Yes, I’m sure there are plenty of people who claim the path to self-righteousness and attest to the fact that they live solely for themselves but we all know that’s a bunch of bullshit because I’m sure someone just read that and got offended. So, thank you for proving my point.

It’s always difficult to make choices when you’re still not old enough to buy a pack of Marb Reds. (Why must I put a down payment on the next four years of my life when I can’t even legally give myself emphysema. Can someone explain that to me?) It’s so difficult to start making choices about your future when all you have to rely on is the previous 17 years of knowledge and hope that your public education served you well AND that you can successfully tell the difference between “your” and “you’re”. If you can’t, your an idiot.

I don’t have much to say in this post due to the fact that I don’t want to overdose on the ol’ blog when I quit cold turkey. All I do have to say is this: I’m completely ready for my future but for a change, I’m ready to do what I want to do and I’m ready to start making choices for myself and choices that make me happy, even if they are a bit unorthodox. 🙂

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