Tag Archives: cats

I Left Hell and Relocated

19 Aug

For those of you who don’t know, I recently relocated from my home about 900 miles. On August 8th, I packed up my car and began a two day journey down to my favorite edge of the earth. I only pissed my pants slightly on the drive down being that the furthest I had ever driven was from Cokato to Mankato and now i’m stuck on a drive from Minnesota down to Kentucky. It was scary being that I had just turned 18 on the 26th of July and now i’m doing full-fledged adult things like buying cigarettes, paying bills and driving halfway across the country. I can’t even begin to explain the feelings I had during those 17 hours of driving.

When you turn 18, most kids feel like they’ve transitioned from teenager to adult in the matter of a single calendar day. So many kids have these big ol’ dreams of leaving and starting life but I wonder how many of them actually do? How many kids leave the town they “hate so much”? How many kids go further than an hour from their parents house? I am in no way saying that staying close to home is a bad thing, but what I am saying is, how many people follow through on what they want? Now i’m no saint. I’ve done my fair share of complaining and bitching. But what I have learned is that in order to get what you want and to reach your goals, you have to be absolutely ruthless. No one gets from where they are to where they want to be by sitting on the couch and looking out the window wishing they were successful. You can’t expect success if you can’t expect to work for it. Nobody “got rich fast”. (The Kardashians do not count in this motivational spiel). In todays generation, which just so happens to be my generation, I see such a lack of motivation and work ethic. Now of course, not everyone in todays generation are lazy and unmotivated. But what I am saying is that when it comes to getting from point A to point B, so many kids wait around to get from both points via someone else’s hard work.

Sometimes things happen for reasons we can’t explain. When we work so hard to get from where we are and where we want to be and it fails, we can’t begin to fathom the reasons why we are unsuccessful. Most times we have a plan. I originally intended to be in college right now. I originally intended to be on a the college speech team I worked so hard to get on. I’ve had a plan for a long, long time and I had been slowly working towards my goals one day at a time. Eventually, I reached my goals and I thought I had succeeded. Well, i’m not in college right now and i’m not competing. I thought by not doing everything I had worked hard for made me a failure. This year i’m taking a year off and instead of going to college, i’m living with my grandparents and taking care of my terminal grandpa. Hard work? Yes. Worth it? Yes. Still working towards my goal? Yes.

Even though i’m not going to college, i’m working towards college this entire time i’m taking off. Long story short, college is expensive. By living in Kentucky with my grandparents, I can help them and help myself by gaining residency. After moving down and getting settled in, it’s been very clear to me that this is little road block is all part of the plan. Not only will I be able to take a year for myself and work, i’ll also be able to take a year to mature and learn. The most important part of any bump in the road is to learn from that bump and realize that it’s there for a reason. A problem isn’t a problem if it doesn’t stop you. If you let things get in your way, you won’t get to where you want to be. Instead, take whatever gets in your way and examine the problem, how to fix it and how you’re gonna move forward.

Of course I found it hard to move away in some aspects. I’m gonna miss my family and close friends, naturally. Of course i’m going to miss some aspects of the environment. But it’s time to be honest here. That town had absolutely nothing to offer me. Every place has its good spots and bad spots, but this place had more bad spots than most. I have never been in a place that bred cruelty and naive-minded people as much as that town. Most people feel like they don’t fit in, but this town makes sure of it. I don’t care how many times it’s been voted “the best place to raise your kids”. I wouldn’t be caught dead raising my children there. Of course, there are people in that community who I value tremendously; there are diamonds in every rough. And it amazes me that there are so many people that have such a distain for that town but how many actually leave? I left and have not looked back since. I can tell you that majority of that town said goodbye to me with both fingers stickin’ up high and can tell you that I waived right back and then some. In order to follow through on what you say you’re gonna do and get to where you want to be, you have to walk away with both fingers blazin’ and not look back.

You don’t have to agree with everything I say. You don’t even have to like me, nor respect me. But you do have to realize that I am absolutely ruthless when it comes to reaching my goals and i’m not going to let anyone or anything get in my way. If reaching my goals means I have to blog from my phone while at chemo treatments because grannies house doesn’t have internet, so be it. But I did leave hell and I working my way up to Heaven one day at a time.

Wrecking Ball or Wrecking Balls?

16 Oct

WARNING: THIS BLOG POST CONTAINS CRUDE HUMOR, PROFANITY AND LARGE DOSES OF SEXUAL INUENDOS. AS WELL, ALL OF YOU ASSHOLES WHO HAVE PISSED ME OFF IN THE PAST WHILE PLAY A LARGE ROLE IN THE MAKING OF THIS BLOG POST. FEEL FREE TO FIND YOURSELF AND ADMIRE THE NATURE OF YOUR ASSHOLE-NESS.

So the question stands. For those of you who dwell on this poor excuse for writing, I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written anything. For those of you who actually know me, you know I’m not really sorry and quite frankly, I hate all of you. In the time since I’ve written last, a lot has happened. I’m still trying to live through my teenage angst stage thing and do you know what I’ve been learning? Everyone is dicks. (All you dicks who are apart of the grammar gestapo need to hop off my jock on that last sentence fragment there. Tenses mess me up) Even the people who don’t have dicks, they’re dicks, too. I can’t even handle people right now. Speaking of dicks, has anyone heard anything about Anthony Wiener lately? Man, that guy just grinds my gears in the worst way possible. What a sleazebag. Sorry for than rant there, I just really needed to get the word wiener off of my mind.

In the general nature of this piece of shit, I’m going to dive right into a list of things that piss me off. Enjoy you weinerholsters.

Hormones

Good golly miss molly. If you haven’t been following my journey through the teen angst stage thing, I’m sorry for you because you’re missing out. But not on hormones. By gawd this shit sucks. Hormones of any kind are pathetic excuses to make my life a living hell.

“Hello, this is hormones speaking. I’d love to take time to speak to you about what I can do to spice up your life. With 4 installments of your happiness, I can ruin your face and give you the best connect-the-dot bacne you’ll have ever experienced. Also, if you’re a male, do you enjoy wearing sweatpants? Well no more sweatpants for you! I can give you NRB (No reason boners) in the blink of an eye! Ladies, do you like mood swings and occasional mental breakdowns? Well then you’re in for a treat! I can change your mood faster than Pamela Anderson changes the size of her knockers! Happy to sad, to happy to angry within a matter of minutes! But wait, there’s more! For a small payment of dignity, you can get not one, but two stupid decisions for the price of one! Don’t like the way you’re feeling? Order some bad decisions and we can hook you up with some heroine in no time! Got family problems? Not a problem! We can supply you with a healthy dose of prostitutes and you can bang your way out of misery! Thank you for listening and we hope you join us next time so we can ruin your fucking life some more!”

Yeah, that pretty much describes my feelings at the moment. I can’t promise you what i’ll be feeling in about five minutes because that’s how often my mood changes.

Men and Sex

I could write about this subject for about a million years. I’ve decided that there are no good men/boys/males on this entire planet. They are all dicks. WAIT. They just think with their dicks. I swear, if I could, I’d run around with a machete and chop every extra limb off. I don’t care if you’re marthafocking jesus, you probably done sinned, too. I can’t even right meow.  I think the male species needs to be knocked down about four hundred notches. Hey Robin Thicke? You’re not going to be giving anything to me, because you better damn well know by now I don’t want it. I do not want to receive anything from you in a boat, on a plane, on a ship or on top of a train. I do not want you giving anything to me in the dark, in the light, in the bus or flying a kite. I will get my machete and I will show you that I cannot be tamed (that one is for you miley). Believe it or not, not all girls want to engage in sexual acts just because you’ve got a marthafocking anaconda in your pants. Believe it or not, some of us actually find the massive rolling pin in your pants repulsive and we’d rather chops our boobs off with machetes because that’s the only way we’d be able to “calm our tits”. But obviously for some men, they can’t get sex off of their one track minds long enough to maintain a healthy, loving relationship because GAWD FORBID YOU CAN’T HAVE FUN WITHOUT FUCKING LIKE GORILLA’S. There’s some feministy quote out there about “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. I may or may not be a woman scorned. But ITS OKAY because it’s not like the douchebag who scorned me is intellectual enough to read something other than the categories on PornHub. But it’s okay, I am a sassy, independent woman who don’t need no man. Especially when the man boy dumps her and gives her no reason but later she finds out that he dumped her because certain “goals” weren’t met and he was stupid enough to talk about said dumping at the lunch table. What I have learned through the teen angst stage is that status is everything. I’m sorry but, you’re a younger lad who is was dating a senior lass? Ha. Boy, aren’t you dumb. But this is all theoretical of course. If this was a real situation, I’d tell him he made one hell of a mistake because this lass is actually really fucking awesome if you look past the fact that she smells like tacos and cats way too often.

Girls and Sex

If I was just an outside observer, i’d say sex is ruining everyone’s life. OH WAIT, all these damn hormones are running my brain so of course sex is ruining everyones life. Girls are such bitches. If you want to get technical about the term “Bitch”, yes, girls are still bitches. They are all female dogs and they are all in heat one hundred percent of the time. End of story. Girls are never satisfied with anything, ever. If we could please forget that I am a girl for a second here, that would be greatly appreciated because i’d like to think that I am not a girl. Let’s not label me as a girl or a boy. Can I just be a cat? Okay, thanks. Girls are so caught up in the gossip and being assholes to other girls. You know why girls are especially sneaky? They think that just because they pretty, they be getting all dem boyz (I’m sorry for the grammatical nature of this part of the blog. I’ve been experimenting slang and ebonics). No. Just because you’re pretty does not mean that you’re awesome. All them boyz be thinking they wanna get in yo pants but little did they know that you’re vagina is like an echo. No one be likin an overly flirty girl. Remember that machete? Yeah, hide you tits. Because we be cutting all them titties off. Oofta. Ima go hit a flock of amish pretty soon.

Sad Music and Hormones

So here I am thinking that I can write this entire post without crying. Yeah, my bad.

“Hormones again! We’re here to not only fuck up your face and back, but we’re also here to change your mood with every song that changes!”

Not only do I have good taste in cat breeds, but I also have good taste in music. If you don’t think I have good taste in either, then you can go snort some lines because your opinion is irrelevant. Here’s some music that makes me cry.

  • Demons by Imagine Dragons
  • Best I Ever Had by Gavin DeGraw
  • You Found Me by The Fray
  • Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
  • Mad World by Michael Andrews
  • Battle Scars by Lupe Fiasco
  • Bleeding Out by Imagine Dragons
  • Every Image Dragons Song
  • If I lose Myself by One Rebublic
  • Counting Stars by One Republic
  • Next To Me by Emile Sande
  • Bedroom Hymns by Florence + The Machines
  • Blood Bank by Bon Iver
  • Skinny Love by Bon Iver
  • Thistle and Weeds by Mumford and Sons
  • Mirror by Lil Wayne

If you have any questions about my choice of music, feel free to contact me. And yes, Lil Wayne speaks to the soul.

Society

People are so mean. Throughout the teen angst process, I have learned that being mean is a strong component for becoming a part of the social norm. No. No no no no no no no. This is not okay. If you think being mean is okay, you deserve to be shit on by the worlds largest elephant. Enough said. People need to realize that it’s okay to be different. I’m sure that a lot of people have different views on society and the views it holds. I’m sure this chunk of the post is going to sound extremely cliché, and that’s okay. Believe it or not, I am like an onion ( a lot less smelly though and I cost less per pound). While it’s nice to act like an asshole from time to time, hate the world and use sarcasm more than I use shampoo, it’s also nice to be different. Do you know what different means to me? Doing something that everyone else isn’t doing. What I’ve really learned in the middle of the teen angst stage is that all of the people around me are afraid to do something that is against the grain, something embarrassing or something awkward. I’ve got all of that covered because I’m awkward as fuck. I’ll let everyone in on a little tidbit of my life. As you may or may not have known, last year I was a part of my school’s adapted bowling team. Yes, adapted bowling team. If you haven’t followed any posts, I’ve been blessed with a variety of things that make me special such as arthritis and ehlers-danlos syndrome (the EDS isn’t as big of a problem as the arthritis. The arthritis is crimpin my style). I say “blessed” because I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. Some people chose to say “suffer from” or “deal with”, I just prefer to say “blessed with”. It’s a choice of words, none of the above is incorrect. Back to the bowling. When I first joined, I was skeptical because I didn’t know what my peers would thinks of me. After the season got over and our team went to state, I can honestly say that that team was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever been a part of. Competing with “those retards” (I don’t hate a lot of things, but when people break out the R word, I get utterly disgusted. Cut out the R word) was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. At that point, I didn’t care that I was seen with “them” because that was my team, my friends and a close family. Relating this back to society and the teen angst stage, so many kids my age would be embarrassed as hell to be seen with kids with mental and physical disabilities. My old Jazz Band teacher and the man I credit for teaching me the fundamentals of music taught me something I will never forget:

Leave your ego at the door, it’s no use”

Leave your ego at the door and stop caring what everyone else thinks. Don’t be Mr. Shadows and live from behind a cloud. Step outside, into the sun and be Mr. Skin Cancer and dance in the sun and soak up all the UV rays because life is awesome like that. Do you know who does that? As much as everyone hates her, Miley Cyrus does a fantastic job of demonstrating this. She isn’t just riding a wrecking ball, she’s straight up wrecking societies balls in the process. You go baby, you go.

Well folks, I think I’ve exercised all of my demons. Remember, If you think you’ve got life bad, you’ve never had a corn rash, okay? If you don’t know what corn rash is, google it. I will leave you in the only way I know how, with a homemade quote. Before I do, if you’ve read this whole thing, I thank you. You are why I still write. Just kidding, I write for me because honey badger don’t give a fuck. If you didn’t read this whole thing, go eat some cocaine cookies and get off of my blog.

“When life knocks you on your knees, stay there. It’s safer anyways and sometime you find snacks on the ground”

Some People Drink, Some People Eat Meth Cookies, Some People Do Cats

24 Jun

If you’ve read the title, you’d think that I’m trying to encourage the act of zoophilia and i’m here to tell you that i’m not. What is Zoophilia do you ask? It’s closely related to Bestiality actually. Here’s what our good friends at Wikipedia define Zoophilia as:

“Zoophilia is a paraphilia involving sexual activity between human and non-human animals or a fixation on such practice. The term “zoophilia” derives from the combination of two nouns in Greek: ζῷον (zṓion, meaning “animal”) and φιλία (philia, meaning “friendship” or “love”).

Although sex with animals is not outlawed in some countries, it is not explicitly condoned anywhere. In most countries, bestiality is illegal under animal abuse laws or laws dealing with crimes against nature

Now that you know information that you didn’t need to know, you’re welcome. If you did know what Zoophilia was, I’m going to question you. BUT let’s get back to the real topic of today’s post. Let’s talk about drugs and drinking (I feel like I’m just a bucket of good influence today, you’re welcome). I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately (Ha, that’s funny. Thinking.) and I’ve been thinking about choices and things of that nature. I met up with a very close friend of mine and we were doing the normal gossip session and they made an interesting comment that really made me think:

“You sure are hanging with a different crowd these days”

That actually really got me questioning who I am and what my morals are because believe it or not, I’m a regular (ha, that’s funny, too) human being who does care what other people think of me. I can’t tell what holds people back from making decisions; themselves or other people’s opinion? Personally, I ask myself what I think is right and go for it, but then the other half of me doesn’t want to disappoint anyone, especially the people who’s opinions I value. Being a teenager is really confusing stuff because you never know which crowd to fit in with. It’s not even the fact of which crowd to fit in, it’s which crowd you want to fit in with. I can proudly say, whether or not people choose to believe me or not, that I lead a life above the influence. It has it perks and it definitely is a personal choice that not everyone makes, but it is a choice that should be respected. You don’t have to agree with anything, but just respect it. Whether you drink/do drugs or don’t, it’s a personal choice. Yes, it can be quite an illegal choice depending on what you’re doing and what age you’re doing it at, but respect it. Here are my following thoughts that are plaguing my brain at the moment:

  • The people you hang out with are not always a reflection of the person you are. I hang out with a lot of snooty bitches who reflect their love for Jesus every chance they get. Does that mean I’m a snooty bitch who includes Jesus in every one of her conversations? PLEASE SAY NO. In the same respect, if I choose to hang out and support people who dabble in drugs and drinking, does that mean I automatically drink and do drugs? I can tell you that, no. My philosophy is that I’m strong enough in my inner faith, my convictions and my morals. If I didn’t start doing drugs then, why would I do them now? Yes, you could counteract that with “well there’s a first time for everything” and I’d reply back with “Well I’m not choosing to have the first time be now”. I’m proud to say I’m above the influence and it’s nothing that I’m embarrassed about.
  • People are so caught up in judgement that they never look past the choices to see the person, they see the choices and let that define the person. I can honestly say that for the longest time I treated kids at school who were labeled as “the druggies” like a whole different race of people. All you ever hear is “don’t go near those kids, they do drugs”. I’m sorry but if I was a parent, I probably wouldn’t let my child around me because I’m “that chick that talks about nudism way too much and posts at least 500 pictures with her cat on every social media website possible”. I’d put a restraining order on me and tell my children to run. That being said, after choosing to associate with people who make different choices than I do, I really learned to look past choices because their choices don’t define who I am. Now that I’ve finally started to come to the realization that people are going to judge me and I just need to stop caring, I don’t care if people judge who I hang around. I’m still the same person, it’s not like I’m walking around naked, intoxicated and wasted. Let’s be real. I’m the same person and I am going to stay the same person.
  • Does anyone ever look at the people who do drugs and wonder why they started? Has anyone ever had the pleasure of sitting down with a drug addict and asked them why they started? Yeah, you think your life is bad? Ha, I think my life sucks when I have a hemorrhoid. Listen to the reasons why an addict started doing drugs, then you’ll think that hemorrhoid isn’t so bad after all. It is such a humbling experience to listen to the stories of other people. It’s really humbling to then think of what they’re going to suffer through the rest of their life and then be thankful that you didn’t make the choices they did. Be thankful that you lead a sober life (now if you are a drug addict or you do drugs and you read this, this is really awkward and I’m sorry that you don’t lead a sober life. I’m here if you need someone to vent to). Look past the choices, look past the judgement and get to know the person. Believe it or not, the person might not be as bad as you thought.
  • If you are around someone who does have a drug or alcohol problem…did you ever think of getting them help if you are gonna be judgemental and concerned? If you honestly think they have a problem and you aren’t going to be their friend anyways, let a trusted adult or their parents know. You could totally be a jerk and be like “hey, jimmy totally eats meth cookies everyday and I’m pretty sure he wakes up and does lines on your kitchen table” and leave it at that. People are so caught up in judging “the druggies” that they don’t ever think hey, maybe Jimmy needs help. Yeah, did you ever think of that? Jimmy eats meth cookies. That’s not right. Meth cookies aren’t okay. METH COOKIES AREN’T OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So when I look back at everything and the choices that I make I just remind myself my new mantra:

Some people drink, some people eat meth cookies, some people do cats”

Which I think to better suit my life I would change it to:

Some people drink, some people eat meth cookies, you do cats”

Yeah that seems about right. So let’s just re-cap on the important things that you should walk away with today!

  1. Zoophilia is not okay. So just stahp.
  2. Keep your children away from me, it’s probably safer that way.
  3. Be thankful you lead a sober life.
  4. Look past the choices to see the person, don’t let the choices define the person.
  5. Meth cookies aren’t okay. Meth cookies are never okay.
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