That Little Green “Drug”

So I just came to the realization that I’m a drug addict. It’s a terrible habit, I get headaches and anxiety because of it and I really need to stop. But I can’t be to blame for all of it! It’s so easy to find and it’s literally everywhere. People my age? Yeah, we worship it. Can’t get enough. Literally, I have one friend that borrows it from my all the damn time. Parents? Yeah, they never have enough of it and it’s even stressing ME out. They need some and I need some. I can’t stop thinking about it. If I don’t have any, I’m stressed and anxious. If I do have some, I’m happy but not satisfied and will literally do ANYTHING to get more. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to be able to live my life like this.

Believe it or not, I’m not talking about marijuana. I’m actually talking about money. Think about it. It’s everywhere, but we never have enough of it. People my age are obsessed with it and my parents never have enough of it. Now even though people my age are obsessed with pot, too, that’s not the point. I’ve been getting older (no shit, Bella, Everyone is getting older) and money has been the center of my entire life. I know you’re not supposed to discuss your monetary standings because it’s not classy but let’s all get one thing out of the way; no one every talks about Bella and says “Wow, what a classy young feller”. Well, some people do but I’m pretty sure it’s because they’re on a little green drug of their own.  But anywho, money has been the center of my life. I get so excited for Friday nights AND it’s not even because I have a life (I don’t, let’s clear that up, too); it’s because my check clears through the bank on Friday’s. I have so much to start looking forward to in regards to money. Taxes, bills, student loans, more student loans, student loans, loans in general, more student loans, money to bail me out for harming the creator of student loans, car payments, rent, cell phone bills, student loans. Wow, growing up is so fun.

I’ve heard people talk about the obsession with money. Something about the fact that we spend all of our lives chasing a little green piece of paper. That’s true though, isn’t it? We spend so much of our time obsessed over money. Whether it’s spending money, making money, eating money, breathing money, shitting money; we do it all.  Don’t even get me started on debt! We spend so much of our time worrying about the money that we DON’T have and don’t focus on what we DO have. Money controls our mood. If we have it, we’re satisfied but we want more. If we don’t have it, we’re anxious and will do anything to get it. If that doesn’t sound like a drug problem, I don’t know what is.

I’ve been thinking about a few things lately which is weird because clearly, I don’t think. In general fashion of this blog, I’m going to make a list of things I do to save money.

Wear Used Clothes

I don’t think I ever buy brand new clothes. To be honest, all of my clothes are second-hand. I shop Goodwill and Savers (not so much savers, too much sketchy biz goin on in there) and I really like the Clothes Mentor and Plato’s Closet. Literally, I buy everything there (besides underwear. I really like my own underwear). Goodwill is my favorite, though. I’ve bought suits for swimming and for business occasion, shoes, backpacks and I even bought my boyfriend there. Not only can you buy things things, you can also donate all of the old stuff you bought there! When you donate, you also get a coupon for 20% off. Yeah, I like coupons. I like to go to second-hand stores to buy things that people normally wouldn’t think of either, like furniture and bedding. Who needs to go dorm shopping and spend loads of money when you can do it for cheap. I’m in.

Recycle Bath Water

Okay no. This is never okay. Never. Next subject.

Use Coupons

Coupons are good! You don’t need to turn into an extreme coupon lady, either.  But as a young person, I already value coupons. There is no shame in looking through the Sunday paper and cutting a few coupons. Often times, there are a lot of buy-one-get-one type deals and you end up getting two things for the price of one. MIND BLOWN. Coupons can be used on a lot of things, especially the necessities. A lot of people think of coupons as for just food but I don’t ever buy razors, toothpaste or bathing products without using a coupon.

Buy Expired

Okay, this might sound weird to some of you but it’s actually not. Sometimes what grocery stores will do is put their almost-expired items on clearance or reduce the price drastically. What some people don’t realize is that when something “expires”, it’s not always bad. Unless it’s milk, then it’s always bad. But canned and boxed items rarely “expire”, so when they’re price is marked down, buy them. Checking dates is important, but sometimes things are still good after the “best buy” date.

If you have learned anything from today’s lesson, props to you because I’m still trying to find a moral in all of this. If I had anything wisdom related to say, I would probably say stop being so concerned with money. Limit your spending, save your cash and buy smart. Do those three things and you’ll be golden. But what do I know, I’m just a angsty teen who should be spending her money on things like condoms and illicit drugs and starbucks. Naturally, here’s a homemade quote.

“He who can learn to love money is smart”

Consolation Blog Post

Hello.

My name is Bella, I’ve been addicted to living for 17 years.

Instead of writing a real post, I’m going to use fancy formatting and clever literary tools to

fool

all

of

you

into thinking I’m actually writing something of substance.

I’m fluent in jumble, testing my mumble and dabbling in being humble,

Which is really weird because I’m trying to rhyme and I’m not sure if I just made words right there? The feels.

I can’t tell if I’m constipated or if I’ve got emotional back up. I’ll keep you all posted if it turns into the runs.

Running;

I don’t do that. Ever.

Sometimes I think I should run for fun but then I remember that run rhymes with gun and since I’m trying this rhyming thing,

I shall stay away from the word “run”.

The only time I shall “run” is when I do this “run” from life.

I’m envisioning a sunset and sand,

awkward tourists and binoculars,

Nudist beach, question mark?

If I had a choice of vacation it would be to a nudist beach.

Is that wrong? No. No it’s not.

No no no never run from life.

Look at life, listen to life, learn from life.

Well, no nudist beach for this ninny.

What rhymes with nudist?

Jewish?

NOPE. NOT THAT. OOPS.

No, stahp.

I said Jewish in a conversation once, yeah

a kid told me I was being racist and I was like, uh

no, pretty sure the word “Jewish” isn’t racist.

Context in which Jewish is used can equal racist

People make words racist, sexist, you name it

words can be it.

Don’t hate the words, hate the person who is dumb enough to make people hate the words

What’s a word anyways?

Let’s get thoughtful here: a word is simply an inkblot waiting to be read.

The ink is a butterfly to one and a zip tie to another; one floats away and one chokes.

One word floats, one word chokes.

Words are so ugh

Words make life basically

Words are on socks and underwear and tampon boxes and M&M’s

Gross, words are on tampons and my food?

Officially turned off of food, Thanks Obama.

If you take any notes on my words, read them like an inkblot

Look at the words, cross your eyes and read them so slow you grow algae.

Words are open to interpret

Interpret carefully.

Speak Loudly and Carry a Big Sword and Shield

Happy New Years, ya filthy animals! I hope that everyone had a wonderful new years and got to kiss someone. Just kidding, I hope all of you were as miserable as I was and figured it was time to give up on being happy at 2:30AM. I’m not really big on doing those whole “New Years resolution” things because I know that I am terrible at following through on plans and I would rather eat Cheetos then lose weight. But, I do have a few “New Years Contemplations” that I believe are worth sharing…

• Swear Less
• Lose Weight Maintain weight
• Fall in Love Get another cat
• Use Less Sarcasm Use less sarcasm in public places
• Find Jesus Find Hispanic man named Jesus
• Be Happy

I realized after I wrote my “New Years Contemplations” that some of them needed to be revised. Needless to say, I think my contemplations are off to a really good start. I’m more then content with who I am, I just want to be a better version of myself in 2014. Looking forward, 2014 is going to be one hell of a life-changing year. Today marks exactly 150 days until I walk across the stage and get a piece of paper I’ve been working 13 years for. I’ll have moved out of the house by the time summer is here and i’ll be starting college in the fall. Yeah, my 2014 is going to be full of tea and crumpets and debt. One thing I forgot to do in 2013, though, I will not forget to do in 2014. I forgot to be happy. This past year was a really bumpy one; I’m sad to say that it’s a year that I questioned if I was going to make it through at times. But I figured out that it’s all about choices and if I want to be happy, I need to make the choice to be happy.

On September 2nd, 1901, Theodore Roosevelt used the phrase “Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far” at our very own Minnesota State Fair. The Big Stick ideology is one that has been used for a long, long time and has proven successful. If you have a hard time reading between the lines and can’t figure out what the quote means (or if you’re too damn lazy to google it), It simply means this: Speak with caution and use non-aggression to solve problems, but threaten violence if necessary. Well, I’d like to say that from now on, I’m going to modify that phrase to fit my life from now on. I have spoken with caution and tried non-aggressive tactics for the longest time, but no one listens to me. I feel like after I speak loudly, something much more powerful than a big stick is going to be necessary, so I’m going to start carrying a sword. And for sally’s sakes, I’m going to carry a shield, too, because I work to hard on making my face stay attractive then to let it get messed up. So, if you feel like messing up my happiness this year, this will more then likely be the scenario you will be in:

Dumb person: Bella you’re dumb.

Bella: You’re dumb, too. (Bella proceeds to find the nearest inanimate objects, which so happens to be a toaster and cucumber, and begins beating the dumb person with the toaster, all whilst screaming out vulgar obscenities because well, Bella is a fearless lady who, like the honey badger, don’t give a fuck. After the dumb person has taken their beating via kitchen appliance like a champ, Bella screams more obscenities.)

Dumb Person: (Dumb person doesn’t saying anything because they are occupied by the cucumber lodged up their rectum.)

So, if anyone has any questions about my mantra this year, feel free to ask questions, I’ll be more then happy to clear them up. I’ve just figured out that sitting in the shadows and not speaking up does not get you anywhere. Push-overs get pushed-over. I am not, nor will I ever be a push-over. So now that the aggressive, third-person version of myself, it’s time to start getting a little bit more real. So, if you’re the type of person who can’t handle raw-emotions and real feelings, thanks for reading this far! If you have had some troubles in your life lately and feel like anything I could say could help you, then keep on reading mi amigo.

Aside from using more aggressive tactics, I’m gonna start 2014 finding happiness in myself and myself only. I’ve learned the hard way that material items and people don’t make you happy, your own personal choices and decisions are what really make you happy. So many times I hear about people trying to find that “special someone” who lights up their freaking world or a new pair of sparkly Ugg boots that almost makes them drop their Starbucks. Well, I’m here to burst your bubble and say that none of that will make you truly happy. Now when I mean happy, I mean a different type of happy then that fake ass emoji on the iphone that looks like it’s been snorting lines. I mean the type of happy that gets you out of bed every single morning simply because you’re happy to start the day. This type of happy is the type of happy that will have you singing a song in silence and blowing kisses at brick walls, because god forbid brick walls deserve to be loved, too. This isn’t the type of happy that waits around for a goodnight text, this is the type of happy that shuts the phone off and blows out the candle in your heart and whispers “Go to sleep damnit”. Why do you want this type of happy? Because this type of happiness is something that only you can find; no one can find it for you. No one can judge your type of happy because no ones happiness is the same. If they do judge you, you don’t care because you’re to busy painting rainbows with your eyes and listening to bliss with your heart. Some of you might argue that you’ve found this type of happy with a significant other  or a pair of boots, but I am going to disagree with you. You know you’re reading this and there is something nagging at the back of your brain and you know damn well what I’m talking about. Find yourself and be happy, you owe it to yourself.

One of the hardest lessons I learned in 2013 was that I am not a superhero, I am a person. I can’t fix people and I can’t fix there problems. That lesson was a really hard one to learn. Unfortunately for me, I thought that I could befriend someone and fix their problems, and in turn I thought I was going to be happy. I fell really hard for this person and by doing that, I forever gave myself the mentality that I could fix someone. You know the saying “You can’t fix what’s not broken”? Well, you also can’t fix what is broken, you just have to live with it and accept it for who it is, all while learning how to take it or leave it in the process. He left to go try to fix himself for a few months and in that process, I learned that I am not superman and I can’t keep holding out for something that isn’t going to change. I’ve repeated the process a few times since then and honestly, it doesn’t get any better each time. But boy, this last one was special I tell you. He can’t be fixed, he won’t be fixed and all I can do is offer my shoulder to cry on and walk away. It’s a really hard lesson to learn and walking away from this one is going to be hard but I’m gonna do it because why? I deserve to be happy. I am not a superhero, I can’t fix people or there problems. All I can do is fix me, fix my problems and hope to hell that I’ll walk away with that type of happy.

Now that I’ve gotten the less-aggressive side, I’m here to leave you with the only words of wisdom I know how. Never let anyone take your happiness and stop relying on material things or people to provide you with that happiness. Don’t try to fix people, you’re not a superhero. Lastly? Find that type of happy.  Generally I leave you with a homemade quote or mantra but for the first time, I’m not going to. It’s a new year, make up your own mantra and stick with it. Me? I’m going to speak loudly and carry a big sword and shield.

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